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My best friend and I have been super close since we were 12 years old and living on Maui. We both moved to New York for college and have lived together ever since. I know I can depend on him for anything and he knows the same about me.


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All relationships have rules, but sometimes those rules get broken. When we are in a relationship, we expect that our partner will keep our interests in mind even if he or she is tempted to disregard the rules. When the rules are violated, the wrongdoer may be called on to for his or her behavior. I know something about breaking rules because I was married with two children when I unexpectedly fell in love with a man. Things suddenly shifted inside my head, and I went from thinking I was straight to knowing I was gay; nothing else could explain what I felt.

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Amid a scene of scantily clad sun worshipers, the best friends Reza Farahan and Mike Shouhed gaze at different objects of desire: Mr. Farahan at musclebound guys, Mr. Shouhed at voluptuous women. Their distinct lusts, which may have alienated gay and straight men from each other in the past, inspire the ultimate gesture of fraternal connection: a fist bump. Farahan said.

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The bond strikes the Irish author Jarlath Gregory as fresh for the culture and familiar to him. Gregory, 38, who is gay.

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Obviously, there have always been friendships between gay men and straight men, but only recently have they become more prominently, and comfortably, represented in TV shows, movies, books and blogs. There is often a traditionally masculine sense of familiarity at play in these portrayals, exuding a feeling particular enough to suggest its own term: bromosexual relationships.

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The latest media reflection also takes a ificant leap from one of its earliest iterations. Cohen mentions Mr. In one outing, during gay pride weekend, they attended a concert by an incarnation of a band both men love, the Grateful Dead.

I [19m] had a gay experience with my friend [19m] i thought we were both straight. feeling confused and don't know where to go from here

Cohen and Mr. Mayer went to a gay barwhere Mr. Vin Testa, 26, a math teacher in Washington, D. As it happened, the main impetus for Mr. Gregory, the Irish author, thinks that one connecting point for the younger generation is the proliferation of geek culture. For men of an older generation, there is more distrust to surmount.

LaSala, who is gay, said he could not imagine being close friends with a straight man when he was in his 20s.

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In the last few years, however, he has formed a warm bond with Dr. Garfield said. That can feel blustery and false.

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For gay men, Mr. At the same time, striking contrasts exist in the two worlds. Gay men say it is common for their heterosexual male friends to be jealous of, or at least compelled by, the efficiency and seeming ubiquity of man-on-man hookups.

Dannielle says:

Toussaint said. In sex and dating, straight men also have to navigate complex power imbalances between the genders. Gay men can avoid that anxiety. On the other side, some gay men express jealousy over certain aspects of heterosexual male presentation.

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Gregory said. If such contrasts create fascination, other distinctions can be damaging. LaSala said.

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It portrayed Mr. Amid his milieu, he reports zero self-consciousness about having gay friends or roommates. Yet disconnects do linger, some of them concerning sex.

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Whitehead said. According to Mr. He relates this to friendships between those of a different race. Sometimes there is dissonance when one friend finds himself in a group dominated by those of another orientation, rather than connecting one to one.

Moss said.